Violet's birth story.

(in labor -_-)

***I remember laying in the bathtub, crying and praying for this baby. We tried for 8 months, and finally found out we were pregnant at the beach in Corpus. I had just gotten some and news and was 8 weeks. My bloodwork came back saying it probably wasn't a viable pregnancy and that my body would do what it needed to. Aka, miscarry probably. I didn't get an ultrasound until that Monday, and they told me on Thursday, letting me have an amazing long weekend to worry. Stew. Sit and cry. When I saw that baby on the screen my heart dropped, because even though it was there, it wasn't until they found the heartbeat and I got to see and hear it that my heart settled. My mind opened up and I could breathe. Fuck bloodwork. They scare people, although it's amazing and helps, sometimes not knowing everything helps in anxiety. This is the second time bloodwork has stressed me out during pregnancy. (The first was something about Lilly possibly having a muscle disorder - but Brandons not a carrier so we're good.) 

Anyway- I have my baby. And she grew in my belly. She hurt me, kicked me, and made me feel so loved and uncomfortable at the same time. And now she's here. ***

Her birth is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT from her sisters.Read Lillian's birth story HERE . It was amazing. Everything about it was amazing. I don't know if its because I knew what to expect going in- or just the fact that my pregnancy had been completely different and EASY that it went so well. I guess we'll never know, all I know is that if my pregnancies and births were all like Violets there might be a lot more kids in our future. MAYBE. Probably not. But maybe. Let me get over the lack of sleep and realness of the newborn stage first.

I was scheduled for a c-section at 39 weeks on April 1st.
I knew I wouldn't last that long, and I so didn't.

Thursday, March 24th, I had some cramping and pressure..but never thought anything of it. I had braxton hicks since my 16th week of pregnancy so I didn't mind them. I just went about that day. But that night, well I guess Friday night, in the wee hours of 3 am i woke up to some strong contractions and had to use the bathroom every 30 minutes. I timed my contractions on an app- which said to go to the hospital..but never had been in real labor before I called the hospital first. They told me to drink water, TAKE A BENADRYL and lay down. WTF. I didn't do that. I sat on the couch, sipped water and tried to watch New girl with Brandon.
After timing them some more, and using the bathroom constantly, we decided to go in. It had been an hour and a half and they were closer together and actually HURT.

We got to the hospital where they finally admitted me and put me in a gown and timed my contractions and strapped monitors to me. They were 3 minutes apart but I was only dilated to a 3. No one else was in the L&D with me, just me. I sat and shook and cried out in pain during each contraction. Teen Mom was on but it didn't distract me. Brandon held my hand and snapchatted me like the amazing husband he is. -_-

The mean nurse came in and told me to chug a giant cup of apple juice. I have no clue why, and as I did what she asked, 10 minutes later it all came back up in a bucket because my pain was so bad.
They FINALLY called my doctor and scheduled my c-section at 9am.

It was 8. I was having back labor and had already been in labor for 5 hours. RIDICULOUS.
They finally gave me something for the pain (why not earlier, I'll never know. I secretly think the nurse was a huge bitch and enjoyed the pain of my baby coming out of my butt.) The IV went in way easier, but it was still hard to do (as always, baby tiny veins fail me.)

after the meds started kicking in, I relaxed some and they wheeled me outside the OR doors. Semi-panicky about the spinal I was about to get (last time was GOD AWFUL) I sat there and we waited for the anesthesiologist for AN HOUR.  Mind you my baby is still trying to come out of my butt- pain meds helped but never eliminated the pain.

Finally, we go in. I get my spinal (IT WAS EASY AND PAINLESS OMG) and I laid back. They prepped me and Brandon came in and high-fived me! I was awake this time! YAY!

After feeling stuff by my ribs, they tilted me a little more upside down and I was numb. (weirdest feeling ever.) They then began, and I felt the tugging, but no pain. It was the strangest thing I'll ever feel in my entire life.

Violet Wren was born screaming at 10:40 am on Good Friday, March 25th.
6 pounds, 15 ounces and 19 inches long. WITH BLACK HAIR.
(way smaller than her sister, 8 pounds, 13 ounces, 22 inches)

*my girls are almost exactly 5 years and 3 weeks apart to the day.*

She was beautiful, and they wiped her up a bit, and she got to go directly on my chest.
I sat and cried until they were done, and once we were in recovery, Brandon got to be in there with me, and I got to nurse my baby right away.

SO SO SO completely different than Lillians birth. I dont know why Brandon wasn't allowed in revcovery last time..things were much simpler this time.

Finally-everyone got to meet the little bee around noon. Lillian was so beyond thrilled and my hospital stay wasn't unpleasant at all. (minus lack of sleep) I even went home a day early on Easter Sunday!

All in all, it was a great birth and I'm so happy to have my beautiful baby finally in my arms! 

In this season of motherhood:

Being a mommy has always been something I've wanted to do. From watching my mom raise us all, I knew all I really wanted from a young age was to do what she did. My sisters and I are all 4-5 years apart. My last sister is 12, so I've seen my mom change with kids each time too. My children will be 5 years apart as well (I didn't plan it that way though.) Growing up id play Legos or babies and make myself have 7 kids. All old, Victorian names. I've always wanted a big family. I come from one.

 

Then came lillian. With her, my pregnancy was hard. Bedrest the entire time. So many scares. So many doctors appointments. Nothing seemed to go right. My c-section was traumatizing, and she came out just as she is; wild and screaming. Not much has changed since her first day of birth. She's still a complete wildcard. You never know how her mood will be, or how she will react to anything and anyone. Some days she's so amazingly cheerful and other days she's as moody and unpredictable like the wind. She's my first. My difficult first child. She put a hault on plans of other children for a while because I knew mentally I couldn't do it. (And physically) now that she'll be five in a few days and a big sister in a few short weeks, I feel semi-ready for this change. This new season in our lives. 

My only fear is for my Lillian Rose. Change is so hard for her. She takes things so strongly, so fiercely, I'm worried that she will be sad, or feel forgotten. She's been having a difficult time with me going to the hospital when I have the baby. The baby she's excited about, but the everyday question of, "mama,how long will you be gone? Mama, is your stomach going to hurt? I'm going to miss you." With tears coming down her little freckled face. Her OCD has become a little on the "severe" side the past two months and I'm putting it up to her anxiety. The only way she can handle the stress and change that's about to come is to try to control things she can in her little mind. Coming from parents with OCD- I'm patient, extremely sad and trying my damn best to be a solid rock for her. I love her. So much. I can't even express it. 

I hope that when the time does come for my c-section, I've prepared her enough for her to be at ease. I worry for her, my little worried baby. 

*Anyway, we're here at home with croup (her) and she's on her second nap which is completely out of character for her. My heart breaks when she's sick. I'm enjoying the cuddles though and the easy going of our afternoon and evening. I'm hoping tomorrow is a better day for us both.