I'm feeling really down on myself today.
Since I've switched Dove to soy, she's been a way better baby. (yay!)
We're still having some trouble sleeping, but during the day she's amazing.
I really think I made a good mama move by doing this, but the only thing that's worrying me is her appetite.
It's decreased a lot in the past couple of weeks, so I took her to the doctor today to rule out an ear infection/sickness.
She's fine.
She'd rather be playing and looking around than eating, - so I'm hoping this passes.
She's gaining weight still and wetting diapers normally.
So, all in all. Yay. Good news, right!?
It all goes back to if I were breastfeeding none of these things would ever happen.
I wouldn't stress about if I were feeding her the right formula. If I was giving her enough. Blah, blah blah.
For instance, when she was 2 weeks old and got RSV and pnemonia, she wouldn't have gotten it if I were breastfeeding.
All of her colic problems and fussiness, are they all due to formula? Is it all my fault because my hormones suck ass?
I wanted so badly to breastfeed.
It's always been planned out in my head that I'd breastfeed my children.
I want the best for them.
And to this day I still crave it.
Sometimes I cry reading all of the other mom's posts about breastfeeding their babies. And I get down on myself and literally cry. When I was breastfeeding Dove, she wouldn't latch right but I still kept at it, and used a shield. I loved the feeling of our skin on skin contact and the way I would wake up in the middle of the night to find her asleep on my chest. We were one, and so close.
I really wish I hadn't have gotten Post Partum Depression.
I wish I didn't have to be on anti-depressants so I could breastfeed.
I wish, I wish, I wish.
I haven't written about it on here because I haven't found the time to write something that serious, and, well, it brings up really bad memories for me. Making me feel real shitty about myself.
I miss breastfeeding, even though I did it only a week and a half.
And that's my pouty post.
Has anyone else ever felt this way, or am I a freak of nature for craving the closeness of my child and missing it?
I promise my next post won't be so down.
Pinkey Promise.
Xo.
