Trending : Wordless Wednesday

The past week/weeks have been filled with lack of sleep. (like woah) So sorry for the lack of posts. As soon as my child remembers that she isn't a newborn, I'll be up and running again. (literally & physically) Until then, enjoy her yummy cuteness:

I know, adorable. xoxo.

Lack of sleep.

Who got 3 hours of sleep last night?
This mama.




Who was fussy, had fever and didn't feel well?
This birdy.



Doctor today to rule out ear infections, if that's not the case, I'm afraid I'l go mad.
Good day.
xo (yawn) xo.

#realtalk

Today I'm going to talk about things that are real.

Like, making up a boot camp for your baby because she refused to be rocked by you anymore. She only wanted to be in bed to go to bed, so I made her rock with me (because I missed it) and now she only wants to be rocked constantly, all the time. (I know, I should've left it alone, but I missed it so much and just wanted to bond with her more.) Bleh. I don't even care, I love snuggeling with her and feeling her chest go up and down against my chest. #REAL


Another thing is that I feel disconnected with my husband. I know that having a baby puts a strain on your marriage and that you have to barrel through to find yourselves again and not just be "mommy & daddy." and honestly, it's hard as hell. If we're not together (which he works a ton) we're usually bickering about money/the baby/animals/food/and really anything and everything. We still joke around, but things just aren't as funny when you're always tired. And the romance isn't very romantic when you're tired. I miss my husband, and I miss myself. I miss what we used to be before Lilly. I am in no way saying I regret my daughter, because truth is she is my heart and soul and reason for being on this earth. But I really do miss Brandon and Sasha. So, if my adoring husband reads this, know that I really do love you. And that we fight out of lack of sleep/time for ourselves and change. Not because we don't love each other. I'll always and forever love you. #REAL


So, one last thing. Is anyone still paranoid about their baby getting SIDS or am I just an OCD freakazoid? Every night I get up to check on Lilly at least 3/4 times. I lean in real close to hear her breathing, and then go back to bed. Sometimes I even wake her up just to make sure (because I'm crazy, and I feed her and put her back down.) That always results in her sleeping in a little, so it's not so bad really. So, as I have been checking on her and she's become mobile. (Rolling EVERYWHERE) she's been burying her head against the crib bumper. I keep freaking out and moving her, but it always ends up the same. So today we finally broke down and bought an breathable bumper that is made of mesh so if her face is pressed against it, she won't suffocate herself or get her arms and limbs caught in-between the crib slats. Go me. Maybe now I won't be as paranoid, but I can promise you I'll still be up hoving over her crib like a cloud. #REAL

And that's all for my #realtalk, until next time.
Xo!

Lilly & her baby drama.

You know you're a mommy when..

You get excited to buy groceries.
You know all of the latest songs on "Yo gabba gabba!"
You live off coffee/caffeine.
You haven't used the bathroom or taken a shower/bath alone in FOREVER.
You spend hours on the baby isle looking at the new bottles, pacifiers, and baby food.
You go to bed when your baby does.
You can bounce, rock and eat a sandwich while reading.
Your wardrobe and hairstyle consists of easy and comfortable.
You spend your free time washing bottles, folding laundry and sometimes crying.
You have spare diapers/pacifiers/bottles in almost every bag you own.


Those are just the ten I could think of off the top of my head tonight. There are only a million more and then some. (some were meant to be funny, for those of you that have no sense of humor.) I'm thinking about doing this once a week just to see what I can come up with. Feel free to chime in and give me some of "yours."
Xo.

Vrrroom!

Check out Dovie's new set of wheels!
Flea markets rule! And so did the 1970's.


Sorry for going overboard on posts lately!
Xo,

Hair story line.

While I'm sitting here drinking my coffee, I can't help but want to chop off all my hair this morning. It's getting longer, and I love it, but showering leaves the shower looking like someone killed a shaggy dog and leaves me saying, "OW!" while trying to brush out the tangles that is my hair. I let is air dry, because, truth is it's too hot and i'm too lazy to blow dry it. And, when I do have the time to do that, it turns into a fluffy, poof of a lions mane. Uncute.

So, this whole post is me wondering what looked best on me, and pondering on how I should wear my hair. In all honesty though, being a mama will probably always leave me with a ponytail or messy bun, my daughter yanking my hair out, and having chunks of spit-up in it.
Sigh. Here we go.






Well, I guess looking at it, I haven't had much of a variety, have I?
Oh well.
XO,

Grab a button!

And gimmy yours!



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Smiles from Yoda.

It still amazes me how Lillian's smile in her sleep gets me smiling everytime. From that first day, to now, her smile keeps me going. Makes me happy, and can almost make me cry. I just want to squeeze her at times because she's so adorable, and that gummy smile that makes her resemble an old man (yoda, if you will) captures my heart daily.


Precious.
Xo.

Instagram crazy.

Hello.
Yes. I don't have an iphone. But my hubby got one a couple of days ago and I've claimed it to be mine. I tweet on it and instagram the crap out of pictures of Dovie. And I love it. And I'm hopefully get one soon, because lets face it:- If you don't have an iphone, you're not cool. And I hate being uncool.


So here you go. My daughter is adorable and we went on a cup shopping trip today at Wolrd Market. I'm obsessed with a parrot/flamingo theme for my kitchen, so when I saw this cup, I couldn't pass it up. I also bought me some earings so I don't look like a total gross-ass during the day. It's bad enough Lillian throws up on me all the time, and that I don't ever wear make-up or drop my hair down, so I'm hoping these little beauties to the trick on to making me look smoking hot again. (without trying.)


I've also become obsessed with candles again. Oh, and on buying cleaners. But what's new?
Until next time, XO.

Fast Friday!

Hello! It's Friday! So, Dovie and I attempted to record on imovie yesterday out of boredom. It resulted in me being obnoxious and saying "Hiii" so loud and annoying, and Dove crying on her tummy and turning it off. I thought it was rather funny so here it is to share:


Here is a collage of pictures of what we've been doing recently. Dovie has apparently mastered feeding herself with a spoon. (except not really.) We started her on squash this week, and so far she likes it. I'm doing veggies first because I don't want her to only want sweet things suchas fruits. So we'll see how this goes. She loves it. And she's just completely adorable. Nom Nom.


And this is her just sitting in her bumbo, being a big girl and reaching for toys that she throws. She's growing up so fast, and it really makes me sad/happy. Her little personality is growing growing, and she's learning more everyday. Love her to pieces.


And now I leave you with this:

Xoxo,

Another sleeping post. (A shout out to stay at home moms!)

The past couple of days Lilly has had a weird sleep schedule.
She cat naps for 20 minutes here and there, and that was all fine and dandy because she was sleeping through the night.
Last night, I almost lost it.

Lillian didn't want to sleep. She wasn't screaming (thank God) but, she just didn't want to sleep.
I would rock her to sleep, and lay her down.
Bam. She was awake laughing and spitting bubbles.
It's cute, but not when you are dragging and lifting your eyelids to make yourself stay awake.
I finally got her to bed around 1, and she proceeded to wake at 5, and then now at 7.
I'm having my coffee (OVERLOAD PLEASE) and she's in her bouncer, acting as if no sleep isn't bothering her. (lucky)

Is anyone else this crabby when they don't get enough sleep?
I honestly look back and don't know how I did it when she was a newborn. I kind of blocked most of it out I'm guessing, because it didn't seem that bad. But there are a couple of colicy, screaming, no sleeping nights that pop into my head. *shudders*

Point is, I need my 8 hours of sleep. (and possibly a cat nap if I'm allowed)
I need my sleep to function, or else I go cray cray.


Another mention in this post is a shout out to being a stay at home mom.
We deserve it.
Yes, we may not get dressed, go to work and bring home the bacon, but we work 24/7.
Day and night. Rain or shine. We're working.
We don't get "lunch breaks" or "days off."
I love it so much, but it's also very tiring.
I spend my days talking to my cats and my 5 month old baby. (so cool)
I know every song to "Yo Gabba Gabba" , and I get excited when I have to go shopping for napkins.
I walk around my house in a tank top and undies most the day, cleaning, cooking and dealing with a very needy baby.
I live off of the internet (when my child allows me to get on it.) Reading other mommy blogs makes me feel sane and good about myself, and facebook makes me feel like I have friends. Twitter makes me feel like I'm friends with celebrity's.
I love the internet.

We don't have cable.
But luckily we have Netflix.
Roseanne, Desperate Housewives and Teen Mom is what I watch and RE-WATCH daily.
If I'm feeling overwhelmed I watch Jon & Kate plus 8, because I only have one kid at the moment, and honestly I don't know how they are not dead. But yeah, that is my daily life.
I get excited going to the grocery store, which usually results in me being stressed out because I have to hurriedly shop before Lillian loses it. Not to mention people start staring at me, and it feels like they turn the damn heater on.
But anyway, if you see a mommy today, give her a freaking huge hug and a high five.
Because we are amazing. We never stop. EVER.
(and offer her a nap or money, either always makes me feel better.)

And that is my winy, sleep-deprived post.
I will now go tickle my dovie because she's awake and I've had 3 cups of coffee, so I'm ready!
I leave you with a photobooth collection of our daily lives.
Xo.

Anxiety.

Everyone's got it.
Some not as bad as others, but, everyone knows what it feels like.

I happen to have it really bad.
Whether it's anxiety over something big, or something as little as going to the grocery store praying that my child doesn't scream throughout the isles so I can get my shopping done. I have it.
And nothing triggers it more than situations where I can't get out of.

I've let my anxiety ruin a lot of my life. Especially important things, like my pregnancy and my Lillian's birth.
I had terrible pregnancy problems which put me on bedrest for most of my pregnancy, and made it to where I couldn't even go back to my husband who lived in Austin, making us separated for 6 months.
All of the stress of living with my parents, away from my husband, pregnant and scared for our baby really triggered my anxiety, and there was nothing I could really take for it...I had to cope. And it was a huge struggle.
Then came Lillian's birth. I was so scared.
Terrified of becoming a new mother, hoping I'd do a good job.
Scared about the c-section.
Scared she's come out struggling and not screaming.
I was just scared.
Anxious.
I was so anxious, in fact that I was shaking. Violently.
My spinal block wouldn't take after a million tries, and they put me to sleep, resulting in me not being able to see my sweet being born. A moment I'll never get back. EVER. And it makes me sad.

After she was born, I'd get anxious when she'd cry. Anxious I couldn't sleep because she didn't want to sleep.
I'd want to rip my hair out after I would rock her to sleep, lay her ever so gently, and army crawl back into bed, praying and praying and praying that she didn't wake up. Or that me pulling the covers over my body wouldn't wake her.
And then Brandon would cough or roll over. BAM. She was awake.

I learned to let the little things roll off my shoulders.
The house DIDN'T have to be spotless. I could nap when she napped.
So what the dishes weren't done.
So what I hadn't showered in 2 days.
Who cares of the laundry was put up? I'd cuddle my baby and learn to not sweat the small things.

And to this day I still battle with my anxiety.
Up until a few short weeks ago, Lillian would scream anywhere we went. She'd scream if anyone else held her besides me.
She screamed all the time. It was so hard not to curl up in a ball and cry and cry and cry.
But I knew that this phase would pass, and it has. At times the changeling will come and bring my old baby back, but this new baby that is happy all the time, that laughs, that plays and that likes going places and looking at things; I completely adore her. (I adored the other Lillian too, I just wanted to rip my hair out at times.)

I've learned that being a mommy is more than changing diapers, wearing spit-up like it's an accesory and pushing a stroller around. It's about patience. Time. Learning. And letting the small things roll off, and to enjoy the days I have with my sweet Dove, for she's growing way too fast and not doing the same thing twice.

(cutest butt ever/tummy time)

1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

The not eating post.

Has anyone ever had trouble with their baby not eating?
Lillian eats, but only when she wants and only a few ounces (like 3 tops.)
She spaces those small ounces out like, 5 hours, and when I add up everything for the entire day, it's not even the minimum of what she should be taking in. She's not on any solid food yet and I'm really worried.

I count her diapers to make sure she's making the right amount (she is, barely) and she is overall really happy.
She just doesn't want to eat.
She pushes the bottle away, looks around, lets it roll out of the sides of her mouth.
Anything to not eat it.

At night she'll usually eat the most when she's sleepy, but during the day it's rare.
I tried a sippy cup (appropriate for her age) because I read that some babies get tired of bottles.
She didn't take to it.

I really don't know what to do. She goes in for a weigh-in tomorrow, and I really hope she hasn't lost any.
It doesn't look like she has, but then again I don't really know down to the ounce.
Should I start her on baby food? Or would that take away even more nutrients since she's not drinking her milk?

LKJdslk;. I'm so frustrated and scared!
I know she's not starving, and she's so happy that I'm not freaking completely out, but it's just odd.
She's always drank her bottles.
Even when she was so incredibly sick, she was the only baby to be that sick and still gain weight in the hospital.
And now, she's too busy to eat?

Someone please give me some insight.
This mama is freaking out.

Xo.

Austin Trip 2011/Chef Brandon's graduation!

This long weekend was filled with lots of driving, eating and fun.
Dovie did amazing and it was truly a vacation needed.

There's really not much more to say except that I'm so proud of my wonderful husband.
My daughter is amazing.
And I'm so blessed to have my little family.

And now, some pictures:




I was awesome and forgot my camera. So, these are terrible phone photos. Sorry.
His family took more with their stuff, but I don't have that on hand. Enjoy for now.
XO.